For the longest time I have been putting off starting a blog. But God kept niggling at my heart, I was just afraid. Afraid of being open and stripping myself bare so you can see the madness and great things that happen in my life. But God is taking me on a journey, and I have been impressed to share my journey with you. Before I even begin, I want to say THANK YOU for taking the time to read this blog I hope it will bring you healing, laughter and maybe even guidance.
So let me introduce myself.
My name is Mercy Vimbainashe Gent-Randall, I am 23 years old, born in Zimbabwe.
I would say I have had a difficult life, looking back I see the situations I’ve been in and I’m so grateful that I had God, my closest friends, my sibling (shout out patience,( my sister) on my side and now Elliot (my husband), but it has not been easy so I will start from the beginning. I came to England when I was 9 yrs old; I didn’t know anyone over here. The reason I came was to live with my dad and just get to know him, as him and my mum divorced when I was young and so I didn’t have the opportunity then. I only had maybe two pictures of him but that was it. I remember the night I flew over, the excitement of coming to London ehh, as an African child I had high standards for London! I thought I was going to be living in a mansion with more housemaids than I had in Zimbabwe. So imagine my disappointment when I got here and I see “Great Britain” with tiny houses that are really close together, rubbish weather and also not so great food. My taste buds would have to get used to the despairing lack of seasoning in British food. I remember pulling up to Huddersfield (little town we lived in) and I was just so disappointed. I didn’t see what was so great about England. My Grandad’s house in Zimbabwe was 10 times bigger than the little hut my dad had brought me to and, on top of that, there was no housemaid to do all my washing, help me with homework… nothing.
Anyway, I was still excited because I now also had two brothers! Going from being an only child to having two brothers was exciting for me because I realised I wasn’t on my own – now I had my blood brothers with me. In my head we were going to be thick as thieves and they would always look out for me. Surprisingly, me and my brothers formed an unbreakable bond. You would have never guessed that we didn’t grow up together or that we had just met on the plane over to England, and the fact that we were half siblings, as we shared the same dad but had different mothers.
So I moved and lived here with my step mum, dad and two brothers, (which was soon to be 3 brothers) and 1 sister.
Life over here wasn’t great. My step mum didn’t treat me very well, I mean now that I look back I guess she had her reasons, having to take me in when she didn’t know or even want me. However I feel it was still not acceptable as I was a child; whatever went on between my mum and her should not have been taken out on me. Looking back, I now see the abuse I endured throughout my childhood: mental, verbal, physical and sexual (by a so called “family friend”). Now that I am older I realise that everything I went through made me stronger, it made me into a person who doesn’t really rely on people as I learnt the hard way – that I had no one. So I didn’t want to rely on people for me to be let down again. This feeling of not wanting to rely on people, took me down a path where I resorted to smoking weed, but I’ll talk about this in another blog.
At the age of 9 going 10, I was raped and it CHANGED my life. I nearly, literally nearly, committed suicide and it was literally by the grace of God why I didn’t. God has been my rock, my shield, my comforter and the only father I have ever had and known. If it wasn’t for him, I really would have killed myself.
I always thought the actual act of the rape was the worst thing that could have happened to me but looking back it’s the way people dealt with my situation what was worse. It was the way my step mum made me feel, the way my dad made me feel, because in my eyes well at least my dad, he was the one who was meant to protect me, to comfort me, to reassure me that everything will be ok and that it was not my fault! but instead he blamed me! His words were “ if I had said something sooner, then this (rape) wouldn’t have happened to her (my younger sister, we were raped by the same guy).
Because of this I told myself, I could only rely on myself, I’m the only person who can’t hurt me. it was then I knew I truly was ALONE.
I then left home at 18 as things got worse with my step mum and my dad had left the country. He claims he went to South Africa to work but yet we never saw a penny of the money he was making at this big job in SA. I mean what father leaves his wife and 5 children on their own and goes to live his best life in another country… anyway I digress … That’s when I was about to start university, luckily my older brother took me in and I went to live with him.
So that’s just a snippet of an introduction to my life. There are plenty more things that happened that I will share with you in more detail but I just wanted to give you a snippet so you see a little and have a rough idea of what this blog will be talking about. My prayer is that, through me sharing my experience, you also gain the courage to share your experience. This will be a safe place platform where we can discuss openly how you feel without any judgement, just understanding and care from people who have gone through similar situations and empower each other together. Hopefully, this will also kickstart the ministry that God has been wanting me and my friends to start: O.P.E.N (Our Pain Ends Now). My prayer for this blog is that it helps somebody heal and recognise that God is there fighting battles for you – your battle is already won.
So yeah, on this blog, I will talk about a few things, but the main purpose of this blog is to let you all know that I’m here to talk, to listen, and if you are currently going through what I have been through then it’s ok sis, it’s ok brother. I’M HERE.